Beauty & Suffering

In Dutch we have a saying: beauty takes suffering. I remember the uncomfortable nights as a young girl, when I slept with cotton strips knotted in my hair, so I could have ringlets the next day. They typically lasted half a day, before my hair was all straight again.
Then I started thinking that maybe there is more to this old saying than we think at first glance. My experience has told me the reverse of this saying: suffering makes beauty.
In our Western world we have this idealized vision of beauty with no wrinkles or blemishes on your face (at least for women). I've seen pictures of people in less affluent countries that have gone through suffering and being exposed to the elements and I see immense and intense beauty in these wrinkled and gnarled faces. These are faces that tell stories of lives lived under pressure, but each grin and wrinkle tells also a story of resilience and joy.
I encountered the same beauty in the faces of cancer patients when I went in for chemo myself. Sure the hair is gone, but contrary to what we might think, it brings out and intensifies the inward beauty of a person. And I've had many compliments about my face and that I have this glow...
As a quilter I get it; the last quilt I made involved a lot of cutting up and sewing together again. The technique is called "Bargello", named after the embroidered, wavy patterns on pillows in one of the musea in Florence, Italy. You start with cutting strips from the width of fabric of different colours. You sew the different coloured strips together in a certain pattern, and then you cut them again into strips, which are sewn together with another pattern. The end result is a wavy pattern. The more you cut and sew it, the prettier it gets.
Of course this theme of beauty from ashes and suffering we find all throughout the Bible and it is the leading story of our Christian faith.
So next time you look in the mirror and you spot a wrinkle or grey hair, smile and say: you are beautiful and your face shows a life well lived! And compliment people on their inward beauty shining through.

Refractions

A straw in a glass of water seems to be broken at the surface line. Have you ever wondered why and how this happens. I mentioned earlier that I wasn't a scientist, but as an analyst and creative I look at this phenomenon and I question: I know the start of the line and how it continues, but what happens at this breaking point? Isn't this similar to a threshold or liminal space, where we can see what came before and we can see what comes next, but we don't know quite how to get there?
I could get obsessed with this particular point and get bogged down in what I know or start a new story of what happens at this particular point. Just imagine... As a creative and person of faith I tend to focus on the positive possibilities and my mind starts to twirl with ideas. This refraction point is where I stand on the beach and look toward the sea and start dreaming of travelling to exotic places, or like one of my favourite Irish saints, Brendan, would step into a little rudderless boat and let the wind of God determine where I would end up. The refraction point becomes a point where faith and trust is required, because we honestly don't know what's next. 
For me this point of refraction was when I said yes to more chemo. I knew a little bit what to expect, but didn't know how it would affect me until I went through it. 
Every time I start a new quilt or other creative project, there's this point of refraction: I know what I have to work with and somewhat of an idea what it will look like. But really no idea of what the end result will be. 
Every time we go through a season of loss or change we come to this point of choice: do I sit back in fear or do I step out in faith and trust that the end will be OK?

Heritage

I was remembering my dad this week. It's been 6 years since his death and more and more I appreciate what he passed on to me. He was a scientist at heart and always studying something. I am not a scientist at all but I did inherit his analytical mind. That is why I am forever seeing patterns and wanting to translate them into quilt patterns, which resulted in all my different labyrinth patterns.

Chartres labyrinth

Chartres Quilt

An analytical mind can be a beautiful thing, when we put it into service to others. When we stay open to its Source and keep the wonder and imagination, in stead of becoming closed and judgmental, I think this gift is the birthplace of many creative inventions. 
The spiritual counterpart is contemplation. Our Creator loves the honest seekers and questioners; this is the whole idea behind our spiritual journey, or pilgrimage. This is why I love the idea of life as a labyrinth journey, that twists and turns toward the center and then continues to twist and turn on its way. In my experience life, when lived to the full, is never a straight path. 
St. Hildegard of Bingen wrote: "Enjoy every moment of life by constantly reminding yourself of the imminence of death". Seeing my dad die of cancer and having gone through cancer myself, really brings this thought home. Strangely enough this thought brings freedom and joy, rather than sadness. Life becomes more precious to live, because it will end one day and we don't know when. 
So in memory of my dad, I say "thank you" for giving me an analytical mind and "le chaim", a toast to life.