Resistance

Have you ever worked on a project and somehow you can't get yourself to finish it?
I'm working on a quilt that fits that category. I started it with enthusiasm, but now I'm finding little projects (procrasti-quilting) to avoid working on this quilt. True, my working and thinking flow was interrupted for a year by cancer, but still: why is this quilt so hard to finish? I love deadlines and finished products! This is how far I came:

My intention is to sit with this quilt and see what it has to say to me, what God is saying to me, kind of like a "visio divina". I do have to finish this quilt whether I like it or not, because it's for a friend's wedding anniversary.....

I was reminded of this quilt through this morning's prayer:

"Before I see someone as a problem, may I see him or her as a human being" - McRoberts & Erickson

A very good prayer for Lent and any time! Jesus on his way to the cross, never gave up on showing love to people: "Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extend of his love", John 13:1

Am I willing to love people for who they are, rather than how they are?

Scraps

We all know the saying "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade". From a quilter's perspective it goes like "When life gives you scraps, make a quilt".
We all get dealt different pieces of scraps at one point or another, but what do you do with them? 
As quilters we often exchange ready-made blocks  or pieces of fabric that we have no use for, but for others are just the thing they need. 
I was reminded of that today, looking through my memories. A friend had some star blocks that perfectly fit with a piece of fabric I had in my stash and I was able to make a little runner with it.

I also read a book about the underground rail-road. The women involved created a quilt with messages about safe passages and people. All they had was scraps of fabric and they saved hundreds of lives.
When I read today's prayer I didn't really know how to process it:

"May I learn to make good out of what I'm given. 

Rather than only make sense of it"

McRoberts & Erickson

Looking at today's memories and prayer made me realize that this happens to me all the time and it fits perfectly with the season of Lent. 

1 Cor.13:2 - If I can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, 

but have not love, I am nothing.

We can try to make sense of what happens to us and around us, or we can make something out of our experiences and use them to help others.

Diversity

Quilters are great at putting pieces together to form a new whole. But there are times when the pattern and the fabric just don't go together. I had that happen to me when I bought a range of fabrics that I really liked and came up with a pattern that would look really nice with those fabrics. Here's the result.

It totally flopped in my mind! It's just........ Too much, too something! I can't really explain why I don't like it.
Funny thing is that it's a cross with a heart inside. Even funnier is that this quilt came to mind this morning when I read my prayer for today from McRoberts & Erickson's book on prayer:
"May I cease to be annoyed that others are not as I wish they were, since I'm not as I wish I was".
Somehow this prayer struck a chord and a movie I recently watched came to mind as well. I highly recommend watching this on Netflix: the Biggest Little Farm. it follows a couple as they start a biological/natural farm in the desert of California. It takes them seven years of struggling and learning, but the results are stunning and telling. We all know that mono cultures are prone to disease and that the more diversity in crop, the better and healthier the soil and produce. Another lesson from our native people is that we need to learn to work with nature, in stead of making nature work for us. 
So what if this lesson is transferred to people? Does the same principle work?
I believe so, if I read Scripture correctly. The main principle that we must love is key to humans living together in harmony. When we love one another, diversity is the best thing ever and also the hardest thing ever. But the pictures that are painted in the beginning of Eden and at the end of Paradise, tell us that it is possible for humanity, earth and heaven to live in unity. And that's what we are remembering during Lent. The Triune God who loves Creation so much that they are willing to die for it. 
"May I cease to be annoyed that others are not as I wish they were, since I'm not as I wish I was".

Evolution

In my busy mind ideas and images come and go. A lot of times it feels like a big crock pot and things are stewing around. I think scientists are on to something when they talk about the primordial stew so many million years ago. I can relate to that when I think about my own creative processes. There are bits and pieces that are put into the brain and they mix and mingle, making new connections, until one day: BOOM! An idea takes shape and form and comes to live in word or picture. 
I've been intrigued a long time by this pattern of an ancient labyrinth in Algeria:

It has many optical patterns in a square. How many do you see?
Since it is a square it lends itself perfectly for a quilt pattern........ At least in my analytical, pattern seeking mind.......

BOOM!

A new creation comes to live. But wait there's  more!

Another pattern comes to mind........

BOOM!

Another idea takes shape.

But wait there's more............

I love this pattern of 4 hearts surrounding the cross in a Celtic knot. I also love labyrinths and there is a pattern in my file somewhere..............

Et Voila! A combination of ingredients from the stew result in a whole new creation. Isn't it amazing how our brain works and comes up with these things?

Stay posted for what is stewing now!

Blown Away

A very forceful storm passed through our valley and many trees were blown over. Unfortunately one fell over our power line and broke it. Again my plans for the day were blown away. I had planned to use my sick day to continue on my quilt, but with no electricity, this couldn't happen. I dug up our camping stove, so I could warm up water and soup, for tea and lunch. I read a chapter from the book we are reading with our community and had a nap.
Halfway through the afternoon our neighbour's horses broke loose, because a tree had fallen over their fence and broken the wire. So my neighbour and I got together and tethered the horses where they were safe for now. The owner would come the next day to inspect and repair the fence.
When it got dark we lighted a bunch of candles and just enjoyed the glow. 
All this got me thinking how fortunate we are that we can move switches and turn on taps and we have electricity and water at our disposal. 
It also brought people together: around the fireplace for warmth and company and on the field to rescue horses. Often we forget about how good it is to live in community and to enjoy each other and realize that our to-do lists will be ok for another day. 
When the power came back on, I was hesitant to turn on the lights, because just sitting by the candle light was kind of nice and I didn't want to disturb this moment that felt somewhat sacred.
I'm thankful that no people or animals or property got hurt by the falling trees and that quilt ?It will get done another day. 

Beauty & Suffering

In Dutch we have a saying: beauty takes suffering. I remember the uncomfortable nights as a young girl, when I slept with cotton strips knotted in my hair, so I could have ringlets the next day. They typically lasted half a day, before my hair was all straight again.
Then I started thinking that maybe there is more to this old saying than we think at first glance. My experience has told me the reverse of this saying: suffering makes beauty.
In our Western world we have this idealized vision of beauty with no wrinkles or blemishes on your face (at least for women). I've seen pictures of people in less affluent countries that have gone through suffering and being exposed to the elements and I see immense and intense beauty in these wrinkled and gnarled faces. These are faces that tell stories of lives lived under pressure, but each grin and wrinkle tells also a story of resilience and joy.
I encountered the same beauty in the faces of cancer patients when I went in for chemo myself. Sure the hair is gone, but contrary to what we might think, it brings out and intensifies the inward beauty of a person. And I've had many compliments about my face and that I have this glow...
As a quilter I get it; the last quilt I made involved a lot of cutting up and sewing together again. The technique is called "Bargello", named after the embroidered, wavy patterns on pillows in one of the musea in Florence, Italy. You start with cutting strips from the width of fabric of different colours. You sew the different coloured strips together in a certain pattern, and then you cut them again into strips, which are sewn together with another pattern. The end result is a wavy pattern. The more you cut and sew it, the prettier it gets.
Of course this theme of beauty from ashes and suffering we find all throughout the Bible and it is the leading story of our Christian faith.
So next time you look in the mirror and you spot a wrinkle or grey hair, smile and say: you are beautiful and your face shows a life well lived! And compliment people on their inward beauty shining through.

Refractions

A straw in a glass of water seems to be broken at the surface line. Have you ever wondered why and how this happens. I mentioned earlier that I wasn't a scientist, but as an analyst and creative I look at this phenomenon and I question: I know the start of the line and how it continues, but what happens at this breaking point? Isn't this similar to a threshold or liminal space, where we can see what came before and we can see what comes next, but we don't know quite how to get there?
I could get obsessed with this particular point and get bogged down in what I know or start a new story of what happens at this particular point. Just imagine... As a creative and person of faith I tend to focus on the positive possibilities and my mind starts to twirl with ideas. This refraction point is where I stand on the beach and look toward the sea and start dreaming of travelling to exotic places, or like one of my favourite Irish saints, Brendan, would step into a little rudderless boat and let the wind of God determine where I would end up. The refraction point becomes a point where faith and trust is required, because we honestly don't know what's next. 
For me this point of refraction was when I said yes to more chemo. I knew a little bit what to expect, but didn't know how it would affect me until I went through it. 
Every time I start a new quilt or other creative project, there's this point of refraction: I know what I have to work with and somewhat of an idea what it will look like. But really no idea of what the end result will be. 
Every time we go through a season of loss or change we come to this point of choice: do I sit back in fear or do I step out in faith and trust that the end will be OK?

Heritage

I was remembering my dad this week. It's been 6 years since his death and more and more I appreciate what he passed on to me. He was a scientist at heart and always studying something. I am not a scientist at all but I did inherit his analytical mind. That is why I am forever seeing patterns and wanting to translate them into quilt patterns, which resulted in all my different labyrinth patterns.

Chartres labyrinth

Chartres Quilt

An analytical mind can be a beautiful thing, when we put it into service to others. When we stay open to its Source and keep the wonder and imagination, in stead of becoming closed and judgmental, I think this gift is the birthplace of many creative inventions. 
The spiritual counterpart is contemplation. Our Creator loves the honest seekers and questioners; this is the whole idea behind our spiritual journey, or pilgrimage. This is why I love the idea of life as a labyrinth journey, that twists and turns toward the center and then continues to twist and turn on its way. In my experience life, when lived to the full, is never a straight path. 
St. Hildegard of Bingen wrote: "Enjoy every moment of life by constantly reminding yourself of the imminence of death". Seeing my dad die of cancer and having gone through cancer myself, really brings this thought home. Strangely enough this thought brings freedom and joy, rather than sadness. Life becomes more precious to live, because it will end one day and we don't know when. 
So in memory of my dad, I say "thank you" for giving me an analytical mind and "le chaim", a toast to life.

Have you ever had one of those days that you just have to create something?
I just finished my last chemo treatment and typically I would conk out on the couch the day after, but not today! I just had to make things, so first I baked a bread and then I started this little quilt. 

Where did this urge to create come from? Or even the energy to do it? My way of thanking the Creator for being able to finish this hellish journey of cancer? 

Whatever and why ever I just needed to do it. Just like our Creator one day said: "let's create us something spectacular!" and here we are, living in this amazing world. So today I will rest with a heart filled with gratitude and bask in the beauty of fabric and fresh baked baked. Life is good!

Recently I visited a wool mill and was struck by the creative inventions of their machinery. They buy different qualities of wool from Western farmers and they process it in their little factory. We watched sheepskin transforming into yarn and fleece blankets. They also had a little shop where they sold yarns and knitted products. Here is where I picked up a kit to make my own dryer balls. I had to do some googling first but discovered that they are quite easy to make. 
This is the process of needle felting: you poke a sharp needle continually into a ball of wool, until you reach the right firmness. As usual, while poking the wool with a sharp needle, my mind turned to a different plane and I started to wonder about poking out all my bad feelings and frustration. It was actually quite therapeutic and as I kept poking, my mind turned from frustration to prayer for those who are hurting and I thought "hmm, there is something going on here".

- Are there things in your life that you need to "poke", maybe frustrations in your own life or frustration with our world?

The second step in the felting process is adding colour and shapes to the ball and from furious poking you turn to precision and slow poking. 

- What things in my life need attention and maybe some precision poking?

The last step is putting the ball in the dryer, with a load of laundry.

- Looking at your life with "clean" eyes what new things are emerging? How can you turn the frustration into something useful and beautiful?

welcoming the stranger

As I encountered the end of another year I was going through my different piles of U.F.O's or Un Finished Objects and found some treasures. One was a top I had made, but never quilted and another was a bag of strips that screamed to be sewn together. I did the last one first, a simple rail block. these fabrics were a donation from a neighbour of a friend. For the border I found the same pattern in a different, but similar colouring in my own stash. It works perfectly together.


 

Welcome!

When we welcome strangers and combine our gifts, beautiful things happen!

 





The other quilt I had started in February of 2015. Top was done, backing and batting were cut to measure, I just never quilted it. So in my rush to clean up I finished this one as well. I feel much better now! Sometimes things need to simmer and rest to come to fruition. The beauty of this pattern is that two seemingly different pieces are put together by a unifying strip.

Hospitality
We can be the unifying strip that brings opposites together.

If you see a theme emerging here, you're right! My word for the year 2016, turns out to be hospitality. It will be my challenge and guide for this year of new beginnings.
May all your odds and ends fit perfectly together this year and your scraps turn into beauty!

Preparing the way

Making a quilt takes al kinds of preparations: choosing fabric, choosing a pattern, making sure your blades are sharp, cutting the pieces, stringing the thread, making sure your machine is in working order, changing needles, warming up the iron, etc. Whenever you start a new project there are always the different planning and preparation steps to go through, before you can start working on the actual project.
During the advent season we prepare our hearts and homes to receive , again, the Christ child and we can think of many things to prepare both places. Taking time away and alone to prepare my own heart is not always easy, but I find it helps me to welcome my Saviour in a new way each year.
Sewing a lot of little Christmas toppers to sell and raise money to help women across the world is one of those ways. It's a gift that gives three ways: to myself for the joy of making; to the receiver for the joy of the artwork; to women all over the world for the joys of education, health and hope. And I guess a fourth way is to God for the joys of sharing and love.

Perspective

It always amazes me how the use of different fabrics change the complete look of a quilt.

They're not really sharp, but you get the idea. First glance they are different, but when you look closer the centers are exactly the same. As with a lot of things in life, when you go deeper, you will find you're not that different after all. The outside might be different, but the core is the same.
This week I had a question why I would pray to God as Abba/Amma (father/mother)? Short answer it felt right for the journey I was on with the desert elders who were approached with Abba/Amma.
Thinking about it some more I was wondering why did Jesus tell us to call God Abba? The obvious reason would be to make a distinction between most of the pagan/female deities, but what does "abba" really mean? Is it a title or a role? What does it mean to be a father? We all have ideas what a mother is and the attributes she has, mostly because we all have a very personal and physical experience of our mothers. For fathers it lies a bit different. They actually have to choose to be one. But how can you be a father?
Jesus tells us that when you have seen him, you have seen the Father, so obviously Jesus shows an example of fatherhood through his life. In other parts of scripture we find motherly attributes connected to God, and obviously both male and female are created in God's image, so you would expect God to be a bit of both.
I think it is a positive trend to see the view of fatherhood around me change, where dads take more of a nurturing role with their children, as moms have jobs. There are single parents of either gender who take on both roles as well. As the face of parenthood changes, maybe God is OK with us calling him mom or dad, as long as we keep asking questions what it means to be either parent and we go back to Jesus who showed us what being a parent looks like.

Star gazing

Last weekend I went on a women's retreat in Jasper. Such an inspirational place! Besides getting together with friends, old & new, we were inspired by worship, speakers, food and of course the mountains around us. This week was also the dark sky festival. Jasper park is a designated dark sky area, with low energy lighting. So we drove out in the evening to Pyramid lake and watched the bright stars. The big dipper was very bright and easy to spot. We saw the Milky Way and Hercules, but then the clouds came in and every star was obscured.
People use the stars to navigate, but how do you see where you're going in the dark?
One of my friends mentioned that she always knew where I was because she could hear my distinct voice. When sight fails us we can often hear better. When sound fails us we can often see better. I've been practicing quiet and solitude these weeks and as in real life, certain spiritual faculties are enhanced when others are blocked. It has been a rich time of listening and seeing. Noticing the close relation and order of these two faculties.  When we become quiet we can listen to God's voice inside us and from this attitude we are able to see clearer what's happening around us and inside of us. The bright and deep night sky is so fascinating and humbling and mysterious, yet you can find your way home easily, when you know where to look.

Day 3 of Creation

Desert journey

I finished my third quilt from my desert journey and like all journeys there were some twists and turns, some un-sewing and re-sewing, joys and sorrows, excitement and reticence, letting go and gathering and then the final run to the finish line.
It's not perfect, but that's a lesson of life as well. Maybe the most freeing for me, who likes things to be perfect.....

Abba, Father, Amma, Mother, Give me a word.
Go into your cell, It'll teach you everything.

detail of the writing on the quilt

55 words extracted from my daily readings, ready to be given away and be of inspiration to some one else. It is interesting to see what one person gets out of a text and how those words are then interpreted by others. I like the adventure in that, but then I'm an adventurous person.
By the way 55 is a number in the Fibonacci sequence also known as the golden mean (1.1.2.3.5.8.13.21.34.55.etc.). An interesting idea that was used by all the great builders, architects and artists in the olden days. The Parthenon in Greece was designed with this principle, the Notre Dame in Paris was designed this way and Michelangelo and his fellows used this sequence in most of their art and design work. When you make a picture of the sequence it forms a spiral, that you find back in many things in nature: the heart of a sun flower, the spirals of shells and horns, galaxies and cloud formations, etc. Oh, and of course it was used to design the labyrinth in the Chartres cathedral.

Exile 2

Last week I went into self-imposed exile as I went to SK to deliver some stuff in Caronport. Originally it was supposed to be a road trip for two, but Terry had to stay a bit longer with his mom in Holland. I had planned this trip to visit some "wild" landscapes: the Sand Hills near Sceptre and Writing on Stone park in AB. I think unconsciously I have something with the number 3. Or as they say "good things come in three". I was gifted with extra time so I was able to add a visit to Cypress Hills. To sum up these 3 sites, 3 words come to mind: fear, awe and respect.  As I'm getting to know both my self and God, these 3 words pretty much say it all. It starts with a sense of unsettledness/apprehension at my own darkness and God's greatness. Then I stand back in awe and wonder at God's mercy and how he transforms me and slowly I learn to respect my real self as it is transformed by God, which leads to praise  and respect for my creator. Not that I am perfect, but bit by bit I learn to let go of all my masks and let God put some new make-up on my face.
Coming back I was inspired to put my thoughts down and I worked on the desert quilts.
As promised here are the first two:

Flames in the desert

Streams in the desert

 

Exile

For my coursework at Carey I had to write an autobiography with attention to God's presence at any given time. This was a very interesting exercise and I learned a lot about myself and God. mostly that God was present even when I wasn't aware of it. It is always easier looking back on your life to see the bigger picture and to find the pieces fitting together. It also helps that I lived a couple of years and have picked up some learning on the way. Makes me wonder about younger people doing this same exercise who are just at the start of their lives.
The next step was to put this biography beside the themes of Exodus and Exile, which is a whole different focus again. I learned that I don't mind going into unfamiliar territory at all and that I actually thrive as an artist whenever my creativity and curiosity are tested.
Like coming up with ideas how to "translate" the desert into a quilt pattern, what fabrics to choose that enhance this theme and how to put everything together.


Flames in the desert

These are the designs I came up with and now am in the process of putting together.


Streams in the desert

While steeping on the desert theme I started to wonder about shells and hermit crabs (don't ask me how I get from A to B? my mind is a curious thing!) And then I landed on the Fibonacci sequence and remembered that my dad had given a lecture about the Fibonacci sequence at one point. How do I translate this into a quilt?

Desert Shell

And on and on it goes. I love it how I can bounce off ideas with my theological studies and end up with quilts. Stay posted for the results.......


creativity

I Just finished a second week of leading art at an elementary camp, grades 3-6. It has been a while since I did crafts with kids but I loved it. The planning and then the interaction with the kids. Some amazing art work was created and it was cool to teach them how to create things. it was heartwarming to see their excitement of learning how to crochet. One girl was taking the yarn with her and planned on doing it with her grandma!
I'm so thankful to my parents and teachers who instilled a love of art in me and helped me to express my creativity in different ways. Since most of my time has been focussed on quilting lately it was fun to "go back" to other art forms and pass the gift on to the next generation.

look at the birds.........

having our hearts filled with God

illuminating scripture

Summer memories

I just returned from a week of camp with 9-12 year olds and it was a blast! I always forget how much joy kids can express and how contagious that is, until I'm with them. That seems the same for a lot of things and activities. this would be another encouragement to keep a journal, to just notice what gives me the most joy. Ignatius calls this the Examen. This is simply a way to learn to notice things and connections in life. Our lives are so busy these days that we have lost the art of just sitting in silence and ponder our lives and experiences. Picture books, journals, scrapbooks all are tools to help us remember things. The Israelites in the Old Testament of the Bible would erect stones to help them remember. The Inuit create inuksuks as signs to remember where the good hunting spots are or to show the way home. Often when I'm stuck I will page through my quilting books or fabric stash and look at all the different patterns and I will be inspired again.
I also like to collect tokens from different places I've been to help me remember special times and memories.

Inuksuk

on the path again

I was recently on a class/retreat for Carey Theological College and was excited that they had a labyrinth to walk, as I'm anticipating the labyrinth facilitator workshop with Lauren Artress of Veriditas next weekend.
So the labyrinth was actually a part of our class and we walked it in 2 groups of 8. This was a new experience for me to walk it with more people. A whole different experience! Not only are you dealing with your own thoughts, but also with other people following you! As always, on the path, you learn something about yourself and God. I definitely like to keep my private space and reel when people come too close. Yeah, I got issues with trust and opening up. Maybe that's why blogging attracts me :) So to my friends out there: don't let this scare you, just go gently. I'm learning still. It just never stops does it? But that's the good thing.
I did walk again later in the week, by myself and had another beautiful experience.
All this confirmed the lesson of taking time alone as well as time in community, for they both form and teach us.
So keep walking ! With your eyes on the road and out stretched hand.

quilting up a labyrinth storm! see the labyrinth quilt page for updates and additions.