Resistance

Have you ever worked on a project and somehow you can't get yourself to finish it?
I'm working on a quilt that fits that category. I started it with enthusiasm, but now I'm finding little projects (procrasti-quilting) to avoid working on this quilt. True, my working and thinking flow was interrupted for a year by cancer, but still: why is this quilt so hard to finish? I love deadlines and finished products! This is how far I came:

My intention is to sit with this quilt and see what it has to say to me, what God is saying to me, kind of like a "visio divina". I do have to finish this quilt whether I like it or not, because it's for a friend's wedding anniversary.....

I was reminded of this quilt through this morning's prayer:

"Before I see someone as a problem, may I see him or her as a human being" - McRoberts & Erickson

A very good prayer for Lent and any time! Jesus on his way to the cross, never gave up on showing love to people: "Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extend of his love", John 13:1

Am I willing to love people for who they are, rather than how they are?

Scraps

We all know the saying "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade". From a quilter's perspective it goes like "When life gives you scraps, make a quilt".
We all get dealt different pieces of scraps at one point or another, but what do you do with them? 
As quilters we often exchange ready-made blocks  or pieces of fabric that we have no use for, but for others are just the thing they need. 
I was reminded of that today, looking through my memories. A friend had some star blocks that perfectly fit with a piece of fabric I had in my stash and I was able to make a little runner with it.

I also read a book about the underground rail-road. The women involved created a quilt with messages about safe passages and people. All they had was scraps of fabric and they saved hundreds of lives.
When I read today's prayer I didn't really know how to process it:

"May I learn to make good out of what I'm given. 

Rather than only make sense of it"

McRoberts & Erickson

Looking at today's memories and prayer made me realize that this happens to me all the time and it fits perfectly with the season of Lent. 

1 Cor.13:2 - If I can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, 

but have not love, I am nothing.

We can try to make sense of what happens to us and around us, or we can make something out of our experiences and use them to help others.

Diversity

Quilters are great at putting pieces together to form a new whole. But there are times when the pattern and the fabric just don't go together. I had that happen to me when I bought a range of fabrics that I really liked and came up with a pattern that would look really nice with those fabrics. Here's the result.

It totally flopped in my mind! It's just........ Too much, too something! I can't really explain why I don't like it.
Funny thing is that it's a cross with a heart inside. Even funnier is that this quilt came to mind this morning when I read my prayer for today from McRoberts & Erickson's book on prayer:
"May I cease to be annoyed that others are not as I wish they were, since I'm not as I wish I was".
Somehow this prayer struck a chord and a movie I recently watched came to mind as well. I highly recommend watching this on Netflix: the Biggest Little Farm. it follows a couple as they start a biological/natural farm in the desert of California. It takes them seven years of struggling and learning, but the results are stunning and telling. We all know that mono cultures are prone to disease and that the more diversity in crop, the better and healthier the soil and produce. Another lesson from our native people is that we need to learn to work with nature, in stead of making nature work for us. 
So what if this lesson is transferred to people? Does the same principle work?
I believe so, if I read Scripture correctly. The main principle that we must love is key to humans living together in harmony. When we love one another, diversity is the best thing ever and also the hardest thing ever. But the pictures that are painted in the beginning of Eden and at the end of Paradise, tell us that it is possible for humanity, earth and heaven to live in unity. And that's what we are remembering during Lent. The Triune God who loves Creation so much that they are willing to die for it. 
"May I cease to be annoyed that others are not as I wish they were, since I'm not as I wish I was".

Evolution

In my busy mind ideas and images come and go. A lot of times it feels like a big crock pot and things are stewing around. I think scientists are on to something when they talk about the primordial stew so many million years ago. I can relate to that when I think about my own creative processes. There are bits and pieces that are put into the brain and they mix and mingle, making new connections, until one day: BOOM! An idea takes shape and form and comes to live in word or picture. 
I've been intrigued a long time by this pattern of an ancient labyrinth in Algeria:

It has many optical patterns in a square. How many do you see?
Since it is a square it lends itself perfectly for a quilt pattern........ At least in my analytical, pattern seeking mind.......

BOOM!

A new creation comes to live. But wait there's  more!

Another pattern comes to mind........

BOOM!

Another idea takes shape.

But wait there's more............

I love this pattern of 4 hearts surrounding the cross in a Celtic knot. I also love labyrinths and there is a pattern in my file somewhere..............

Et Voila! A combination of ingredients from the stew result in a whole new creation. Isn't it amazing how our brain works and comes up with these things?

Stay posted for what is stewing now!

Blown Away

A very forceful storm passed through our valley and many trees were blown over. Unfortunately one fell over our power line and broke it. Again my plans for the day were blown away. I had planned to use my sick day to continue on my quilt, but with no electricity, this couldn't happen. I dug up our camping stove, so I could warm up water and soup, for tea and lunch. I read a chapter from the book we are reading with our community and had a nap.
Halfway through the afternoon our neighbour's horses broke loose, because a tree had fallen over their fence and broken the wire. So my neighbour and I got together and tethered the horses where they were safe for now. The owner would come the next day to inspect and repair the fence.
When it got dark we lighted a bunch of candles and just enjoyed the glow. 
All this got me thinking how fortunate we are that we can move switches and turn on taps and we have electricity and water at our disposal. 
It also brought people together: around the fireplace for warmth and company and on the field to rescue horses. Often we forget about how good it is to live in community and to enjoy each other and realize that our to-do lists will be ok for another day. 
When the power came back on, I was hesitant to turn on the lights, because just sitting by the candle light was kind of nice and I didn't want to disturb this moment that felt somewhat sacred.
I'm thankful that no people or animals or property got hurt by the falling trees and that quilt ?It will get done another day. 

Beauty & Suffering

In Dutch we have a saying: beauty takes suffering. I remember the uncomfortable nights as a young girl, when I slept with cotton strips knotted in my hair, so I could have ringlets the next day. They typically lasted half a day, before my hair was all straight again.
Then I started thinking that maybe there is more to this old saying than we think at first glance. My experience has told me the reverse of this saying: suffering makes beauty.
In our Western world we have this idealized vision of beauty with no wrinkles or blemishes on your face (at least for women). I've seen pictures of people in less affluent countries that have gone through suffering and being exposed to the elements and I see immense and intense beauty in these wrinkled and gnarled faces. These are faces that tell stories of lives lived under pressure, but each grin and wrinkle tells also a story of resilience and joy.
I encountered the same beauty in the faces of cancer patients when I went in for chemo myself. Sure the hair is gone, but contrary to what we might think, it brings out and intensifies the inward beauty of a person. And I've had many compliments about my face and that I have this glow...
As a quilter I get it; the last quilt I made involved a lot of cutting up and sewing together again. The technique is called "Bargello", named after the embroidered, wavy patterns on pillows in one of the musea in Florence, Italy. You start with cutting strips from the width of fabric of different colours. You sew the different coloured strips together in a certain pattern, and then you cut them again into strips, which are sewn together with another pattern. The end result is a wavy pattern. The more you cut and sew it, the prettier it gets.
Of course this theme of beauty from ashes and suffering we find all throughout the Bible and it is the leading story of our Christian faith.
So next time you look in the mirror and you spot a wrinkle or grey hair, smile and say: you are beautiful and your face shows a life well lived! And compliment people on their inward beauty shining through.

Refractions

A straw in a glass of water seems to be broken at the surface line. Have you ever wondered why and how this happens. I mentioned earlier that I wasn't a scientist, but as an analyst and creative I look at this phenomenon and I question: I know the start of the line and how it continues, but what happens at this breaking point? Isn't this similar to a threshold or liminal space, where we can see what came before and we can see what comes next, but we don't know quite how to get there?
I could get obsessed with this particular point and get bogged down in what I know or start a new story of what happens at this particular point. Just imagine... As a creative and person of faith I tend to focus on the positive possibilities and my mind starts to twirl with ideas. This refraction point is where I stand on the beach and look toward the sea and start dreaming of travelling to exotic places, or like one of my favourite Irish saints, Brendan, would step into a little rudderless boat and let the wind of God determine where I would end up. The refraction point becomes a point where faith and trust is required, because we honestly don't know what's next. 
For me this point of refraction was when I said yes to more chemo. I knew a little bit what to expect, but didn't know how it would affect me until I went through it. 
Every time I start a new quilt or other creative project, there's this point of refraction: I know what I have to work with and somewhat of an idea what it will look like. But really no idea of what the end result will be. 
Every time we go through a season of loss or change we come to this point of choice: do I sit back in fear or do I step out in faith and trust that the end will be OK?