Preparing the way

Making a quilt takes al kinds of preparations: choosing fabric, choosing a pattern, making sure your blades are sharp, cutting the pieces, stringing the thread, making sure your machine is in working order, changing needles, warming up the iron, etc. Whenever you start a new project there are always the different planning and preparation steps to go through, before you can start working on the actual project.
During the advent season we prepare our hearts and homes to receive , again, the Christ child and we can think of many things to prepare both places. Taking time away and alone to prepare my own heart is not always easy, but I find it helps me to welcome my Saviour in a new way each year.
Sewing a lot of little Christmas toppers to sell and raise money to help women across the world is one of those ways. It's a gift that gives three ways: to myself for the joy of making; to the receiver for the joy of the artwork; to women all over the world for the joys of education, health and hope. And I guess a fourth way is to God for the joys of sharing and love.

Perspective

It always amazes me how the use of different fabrics change the complete look of a quilt.

They're not really sharp, but you get the idea. First glance they are different, but when you look closer the centers are exactly the same. As with a lot of things in life, when you go deeper, you will find you're not that different after all. The outside might be different, but the core is the same.
This week I had a question why I would pray to God as Abba/Amma (father/mother)? Short answer it felt right for the journey I was on with the desert elders who were approached with Abba/Amma.
Thinking about it some more I was wondering why did Jesus tell us to call God Abba? The obvious reason would be to make a distinction between most of the pagan/female deities, but what does "abba" really mean? Is it a title or a role? What does it mean to be a father? We all have ideas what a mother is and the attributes she has, mostly because we all have a very personal and physical experience of our mothers. For fathers it lies a bit different. They actually have to choose to be one. But how can you be a father?
Jesus tells us that when you have seen him, you have seen the Father, so obviously Jesus shows an example of fatherhood through his life. In other parts of scripture we find motherly attributes connected to God, and obviously both male and female are created in God's image, so you would expect God to be a bit of both.
I think it is a positive trend to see the view of fatherhood around me change, where dads take more of a nurturing role with their children, as moms have jobs. There are single parents of either gender who take on both roles as well. As the face of parenthood changes, maybe God is OK with us calling him mom or dad, as long as we keep asking questions what it means to be either parent and we go back to Jesus who showed us what being a parent looks like.

Star gazing

Last weekend I went on a women's retreat in Jasper. Such an inspirational place! Besides getting together with friends, old & new, we were inspired by worship, speakers, food and of course the mountains around us. This week was also the dark sky festival. Jasper park is a designated dark sky area, with low energy lighting. So we drove out in the evening to Pyramid lake and watched the bright stars. The big dipper was very bright and easy to spot. We saw the Milky Way and Hercules, but then the clouds came in and every star was obscured.
People use the stars to navigate, but how do you see where you're going in the dark?
One of my friends mentioned that she always knew where I was because she could hear my distinct voice. When sight fails us we can often hear better. When sound fails us we can often see better. I've been practicing quiet and solitude these weeks and as in real life, certain spiritual faculties are enhanced when others are blocked. It has been a rich time of listening and seeing. Noticing the close relation and order of these two faculties.  When we become quiet we can listen to God's voice inside us and from this attitude we are able to see clearer what's happening around us and inside of us. The bright and deep night sky is so fascinating and humbling and mysterious, yet you can find your way home easily, when you know where to look.

Day 3 of Creation

Desert journey

I finished my third quilt from my desert journey and like all journeys there were some twists and turns, some un-sewing and re-sewing, joys and sorrows, excitement and reticence, letting go and gathering and then the final run to the finish line.
It's not perfect, but that's a lesson of life as well. Maybe the most freeing for me, who likes things to be perfect.....

Abba, Father, Amma, Mother, Give me a word.
Go into your cell, It'll teach you everything.

detail of the writing on the quilt

55 words extracted from my daily readings, ready to be given away and be of inspiration to some one else. It is interesting to see what one person gets out of a text and how those words are then interpreted by others. I like the adventure in that, but then I'm an adventurous person.
By the way 55 is a number in the Fibonacci sequence also known as the golden mean (1.1.2.3.5.8.13.21.34.55.etc.). An interesting idea that was used by all the great builders, architects and artists in the olden days. The Parthenon in Greece was designed with this principle, the Notre Dame in Paris was designed this way and Michelangelo and his fellows used this sequence in most of their art and design work. When you make a picture of the sequence it forms a spiral, that you find back in many things in nature: the heart of a sun flower, the spirals of shells and horns, galaxies and cloud formations, etc. Oh, and of course it was used to design the labyrinth in the Chartres cathedral.

Exile 2

Last week I went into self-imposed exile as I went to SK to deliver some stuff in Caronport. Originally it was supposed to be a road trip for two, but Terry had to stay a bit longer with his mom in Holland. I had planned this trip to visit some "wild" landscapes: the Sand Hills near Sceptre and Writing on Stone park in AB. I think unconsciously I have something with the number 3. Or as they say "good things come in three". I was gifted with extra time so I was able to add a visit to Cypress Hills. To sum up these 3 sites, 3 words come to mind: fear, awe and respect.  As I'm getting to know both my self and God, these 3 words pretty much say it all. It starts with a sense of unsettledness/apprehension at my own darkness and God's greatness. Then I stand back in awe and wonder at God's mercy and how he transforms me and slowly I learn to respect my real self as it is transformed by God, which leads to praise  and respect for my creator. Not that I am perfect, but bit by bit I learn to let go of all my masks and let God put some new make-up on my face.
Coming back I was inspired to put my thoughts down and I worked on the desert quilts.
As promised here are the first two:

Flames in the desert

Streams in the desert

 

Exile

For my coursework at Carey I had to write an autobiography with attention to God's presence at any given time. This was a very interesting exercise and I learned a lot about myself and God. mostly that God was present even when I wasn't aware of it. It is always easier looking back on your life to see the bigger picture and to find the pieces fitting together. It also helps that I lived a couple of years and have picked up some learning on the way. Makes me wonder about younger people doing this same exercise who are just at the start of their lives.
The next step was to put this biography beside the themes of Exodus and Exile, which is a whole different focus again. I learned that I don't mind going into unfamiliar territory at all and that I actually thrive as an artist whenever my creativity and curiosity are tested.
Like coming up with ideas how to "translate" the desert into a quilt pattern, what fabrics to choose that enhance this theme and how to put everything together.


Flames in the desert

These are the designs I came up with and now am in the process of putting together.


Streams in the desert

While steeping on the desert theme I started to wonder about shells and hermit crabs (don't ask me how I get from A to B? my mind is a curious thing!) And then I landed on the Fibonacci sequence and remembered that my dad had given a lecture about the Fibonacci sequence at one point. How do I translate this into a quilt?

Desert Shell

And on and on it goes. I love it how I can bounce off ideas with my theological studies and end up with quilts. Stay posted for the results.......


creativity

I Just finished a second week of leading art at an elementary camp, grades 3-6. It has been a while since I did crafts with kids but I loved it. The planning and then the interaction with the kids. Some amazing art work was created and it was cool to teach them how to create things. it was heartwarming to see their excitement of learning how to crochet. One girl was taking the yarn with her and planned on doing it with her grandma!
I'm so thankful to my parents and teachers who instilled a love of art in me and helped me to express my creativity in different ways. Since most of my time has been focussed on quilting lately it was fun to "go back" to other art forms and pass the gift on to the next generation.

look at the birds.........

having our hearts filled with God

illuminating scripture

Summer memories

I just returned from a week of camp with 9-12 year olds and it was a blast! I always forget how much joy kids can express and how contagious that is, until I'm with them. That seems the same for a lot of things and activities. this would be another encouragement to keep a journal, to just notice what gives me the most joy. Ignatius calls this the Examen. This is simply a way to learn to notice things and connections in life. Our lives are so busy these days that we have lost the art of just sitting in silence and ponder our lives and experiences. Picture books, journals, scrapbooks all are tools to help us remember things. The Israelites in the Old Testament of the Bible would erect stones to help them remember. The Inuit create inuksuks as signs to remember where the good hunting spots are or to show the way home. Often when I'm stuck I will page through my quilting books or fabric stash and look at all the different patterns and I will be inspired again.
I also like to collect tokens from different places I've been to help me remember special times and memories.

Inuksuk

on the path again

I was recently on a class/retreat for Carey Theological College and was excited that they had a labyrinth to walk, as I'm anticipating the labyrinth facilitator workshop with Lauren Artress of Veriditas next weekend.
So the labyrinth was actually a part of our class and we walked it in 2 groups of 8. This was a new experience for me to walk it with more people. A whole different experience! Not only are you dealing with your own thoughts, but also with other people following you! As always, on the path, you learn something about yourself and God. I definitely like to keep my private space and reel when people come too close. Yeah, I got issues with trust and opening up. Maybe that's why blogging attracts me :) So to my friends out there: don't let this scare you, just go gently. I'm learning still. It just never stops does it? But that's the good thing.
I did walk again later in the week, by myself and had another beautiful experience.
All this confirmed the lesson of taking time alone as well as time in community, for they both form and teach us.
So keep walking ! With your eyes on the road and out stretched hand.

quilting up a labyrinth storm! see the labyrinth quilt page for updates and additions.

Beauty

I was on a holiday for the last 2 weeks in my native Holland. The main reason was to celebrate 2 life events, one my MIL's 90th birthday and the second my aunt's 70th birthday. Lots of family and food. There is such beauty in people and community!

Mom, Dad, t. Lies

Since it was May, the gardens were in full bloom and we visited several and just soaked in the beauty of nature and its many colours.

Of course I could not go to Europe without visiting a quilt store and we finally found one in Borger, right beside the "Hunebedden", ancient burial places made out of the huge rocks left behind after the ice age. There is beauty in history as well, as we oohed and aahed over all the old buildings we saw.

a "hunebed"

Bremen, market

Schnoor, quarter in Bremen

   

Oh, yes, the quilt store was in a typical little Dutch farm house and I picked up a few treasures there as well.

There's beauty in so many different ways in so many places. One of the joys of travel is to explore and experience this. And then there's always the beauty of coming home to our own house and being greeted by the kids and cat!

Hospitality

I don't typically like yellow, I don't know why, because I love yellow flowers. It's not a colour I would wear, although I remember one of my favourite dresses as a teen was a yellow dress. It's funny how we come up with likes and dislikes.
Anyway as I was working on this quilt it kind of grew on me and I like the result of my collection of yellow scraps and trying out this new block pattern. Basically you put a light and a dark together, slash them and sew them back together in a different combination. A great way to work through your stash!
As I am learning about the Benedictine way, living in the world, the idea of hospitality came to mind. Benedict teaches to be open and receptive to the good and the bad in our lives, be it circumstances or within our own hearts. Each aspect has to teach us something and by receiving it and asking questions, we get to know ourselves and God better.
We tend to try to label things as we perceive them, not realizing that we thus judge them as well. I'm learning that by welcoming in "the stranger" (whatever their form) and getting to know them first, helps me to see things first from God's perspective. We don't have to condone everything, but by looking at things from the other side, we can begin to understand them. This may result in a surprise realization that we're not so different after all, and we all have wounds that we let define ourselves. Hospitality and mercy are very close to each other. 
Christ came and died to reconcile the world to God and as we try to follow him we can bring reconciliation within our own messed up lives as well as between other people.
So I'll sit with my Yellow quilt and keep the conversation going for a bit longer..............

new beginnings

St. Benedict has coined the phrase "every day we begin again". I like that sentiment. It leaves the mistakes of yesterday and we try again today. Not to say that we don't regret and learn from our mistakes, but we don't allow them to hold us in their grip and bog us down.
Sometimes it goes that way with quilting. When we are working with a difficult pattern, or the machine is acting up it's better to stop and take a break. do something else productive or that lifts your spirit, have a good sleep and start again the next day. The quilt I was working on during Holy week this year was one of those projects. I had the design, I found a new line of fabric I wanted to work with, but putting it all together was a symbolical way to the cross for me. When I started to cut the fabric I found I wouldn't have enough, so I had to change the pattern and buy more fabric. then when it came together I had to unstitch a couple times to make the pieces fit. When the top was done I wasn't happy with the end result and contemplated not finishing it completely. Then I realized that Jesus probably wasn't happy either to end up on a cross, but he followed in obedience to his Father and the pattern that was set out for his life. So here I am with a quilt that will remember me of my walk of life. We can have great ideas and get the perfect material, but we may not always like what is happening. All I need to do is use the pattern and materials and keep going on and in the end something meaningful will be created.

2015, Redemption

clean-up

They always say that a new year calls for cleaning up and out your house. It is always a good idea to take stock before or at the start of a new thing. So to make good on that I started working on my bags with -to do- projects. I have gathered kits and projects for a while with the intention to make those some time. Well since intentions do not make anything unless you actually act on them I started working on some of the projects. The needle in a haystack from last blog was one of them. I had collected a few yellow strips and quarters and found a pattern that would work with those and stuck them in a ziplock, so I knew it belonged together. So after some cutting and sewing this was the result

Although yellow is not one of my favourite colours, the result is not too bad and it will make a nice lap quilt for somebody.

Needles in a haystack

 

This quilt was inspired by the Fall landscape in Alberta. The harvested grains and grasses left a pattern of lines and the hay bales were circles scattered around the fields.

 

 

With a new year upon us and all kinds of wishes and resolutions being made I was wondering what that is really all about. Does it come from a sense of inadequacy, or wishful thinking, not being happy with ourselves or our situations?

Aren't we in a sense looking for the needle in the haystack with all of this? Not to diminish the positive results of living healthier and happier, but isn't it better to concentrate on something that we know is true and to notice where God is at work; in our own lives and the world around us?

 

What's in a name?

While I was in Rwanda last November I made some sketches about my experiences.

While I couldn't find words yet to describe my feelings and experiences, I was able to draw them. No ready made quilt ideas this time! Now I'm back home and free to ponder and remember and process, these sketches are slowly coming to life in quilts. The rough feelings of horror and helplessness have lost their sharp edges and God has shown me the depth of the bigger picture, His view on this all.

Rape, has become Hope Will Rise

 

Genocide, has become Imanuel (just the pattern for now)

As we are still in the Christmas season, we celebrate Christ's birth, God as Imanuel, God with us, coming into a very dark world. I truly believe that God didn't leave Rwanda and the DRC, while evil seems to reign. God didn't leave this planet after he created it, but is and always has been God with us. Our task is to spread this message of hope, with whatever gifts and talents we have received.
May we be aware of and seek God's presence in whatever 2015 will bring us.